Free software for Windows and Linux

There are a lot of good free software for windows and Linux, which provide equivalent or similar functions to the expensive commercial software. Here are some links introducing these free software.

1. Open source software list

Wikipedia

2. 30 free software for Windows

30 essential pieces of free ( and open ) software for windows

3. free software for Linux

The Linux equivalent project

How to success?

I found a very good and interesting video in the Ted.com talking about how to become a successful person. In order to success, you need

1. Passion. you must have passion on work. Work for passion, not for money.
2. Work. You must work hard.
3. Focus. You must focus on one thing.
4. Persist. You must persist on your goal.
5. Idea. You must have a good idea.
6. Good. You must become very good at what you are doing.
7. Push. You must push yourself very hard.
8. Serve. You must provide others something, or are able to serve others by your work.

Here is the link of the video.

Career decision

What is your dream job? Have you decided the career for your whole life? These are questions that may make you sleepless at night repeatedly. Actually it is not easy to decide your career. Some people have worked in their current jobs for many years and suddenly found their jobs are not really suitable for themselves. And others have too many options to decide which one they should choose for their career.

Therefore, people are striving to find methods that can help them to resolve these problems. In general, there are three popular methods now. The first one is to get help from career consultants. Normally career consultants will inquire some personal information of you and ask you to take some tests. Based on your information and test results, the career consultants will provide you some options. The second is to get advice from your family members or friends. Those persons are familiar with you and know your strengths and limitations well. And they may also have deep understanding and experience in the careers which you will choose. Hence, they may be the best persons to help you to make decision in your career. The third is to just do it. The rationale of this method is without really doing it and get the first-hand experience, you will never know whether this job is suitable for yourself or not.

I prefer to the third method. Rather than spending lots of time in thinking which job is suitable for yourself, doing the real job and then you will know the answer.

Ten years to achieve excellence

Today I read the good article "Teach Yourself Programming in Ten Years". It says that a programmer has to spend about 10 years becoming a great programmer. I can't agree more with this idea. Currently, people want to grasp a programming language within 3 weeks or a month and they also want to become a project manager after two years. People dream of having an overnight success and don't want to spend 10 or 20 years working hard. They want fast money and to become a millionaire within one or two years. Therefore, they choose university majors or jobs that will enable them to earn much money, but don't consider whether they are really interested in the work.

I am a graduate of Computer Science and have worked for two years. Recently some of my previous classmates have decided they don't want to work as programmers any more and want to find jobs in investment banks. They told me their current jobs as programmers are boring. They chose to study Computer Science because IT jobs were well paid at that time. However, currently pay levels are worsening in the IT industry. They have heard that working in investing banks could be well paid with big bonuses. Therefore they are considering changing career.Without passion for their work, I don't think they will feel happy and satisfied, as they are not willing to spend a long time working hard to succeed. Ten years is too long for them. Only painful and demanding practice can make us achieve greatness. We need to have passion for our work and a little bit of patience if we hope to achieve success.

Venture capitalists switch to starups

Just read this article "Venture capitalists switch to startups - MANY ARE SURPRISED BY TYPE OF WORK". These people give up the high-paid job as venture capitalists and start working as Web entrepreneurs. So it seems the life of an entrepreneur is more interesting and challenging than one of a venture capitalist. Establishing a social-networking company is a very hot trend now. Which will be the next Google, Myspace, or YouTube?

How to network: For introverts

If you are an introvert and don't know how to talk with people you don't know or don't like, businesspundit provides some advice to tell you how to network.

1. Networking is an investment, not a nuisance. If you are well networked, you can easily find what you need by just calling one or two of your friends. You put in time in building your network before, and therefore you can find the right person for help shortly. Well networked people don't need watst time firing off ramdon emails to people they don't know, buying industry list, or hunting hundreds of resumes for the right candidate. Do you want to put in time now, or later?
2. At first, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. Sometimes you have to start by picking events at radom. You sepnd an hour in an very uncomfortable setting, but you learn what to go to and what to skip. Eventrually you find some events or people you like.
3. Don't spend too much time on it. If you wear yourself out, you won't ever want to do it. Accept your limitations and just do 1 or 2 events a month. It takes a long time to build these relationships, so it's better to stick with a few groups over the long haul thant 10 groups for two months.
4. Do cool things. Introverts typically don't like to talk about themselves - we prefer to talk about ideas. Force yourself to discuss some of the things you've done. Don't brag, make sure they are relevant to th conversation. Then the extraverts can talk about you and pass your achievements along. It gives you credibitlity in some circles. You may like you will be accepted for what you think and know, but the truth is that the world measures you by what you do.
5. Invite people to lunch. Or invite them to coffee or for a beer after work. If you meet a fellow introvert, he/she is unlikely to do the inviting, so you have to do it.
   
6. Go regularly to things you like. You need keep doing or showing up, month after month.
7. Analyze your results. Introverts are intuitive and analytical. Use that skill to analyze your results of networking activities. What is working? What isn't?
8. Find the key nodes in the network. Try to find a key persons who knows a lot of people and then invite that person to lunch. If networking wears you out, you will be better off finding the ten key people who all know lots of other people, than finding and maintaining fifty relationships. This takes a long time because it is hard to find the right person.
9. Don't network just for the sake of networking. As you meet more people, focus on spending your time with the ones that are the best fit, and focus less on meeting new people.
   

One-minute overview of Insurance

1. Self-insurance
We should put money into our personal saving accounts instead of insurance company's. It means we should have an emergency savings for any risks except the big ones that will ruin us.

2. Disability insurance
Over the course of your care, there's a pretty good chance that you won't be able to do your job. Better make sure you have some money coming in when you can't work. You do that with disability insurance. Many employers provide some coverage, as does the Social Security Administration in some instance. If you decide to go elsewhere for additional long-term coverage ( short-term "coverage" would be best in an emergency savings account), hopefully you'd be able to find group rates.

3. Life insurance
If your loved ones ( spouse, children or parents ) are depending on your income, then make sure it'll still be there when you aren't. For most people, a convertible term life insurance policy is the best way to provide for your family when you pass away.

4. Car insurance
Not only is it unwise to drive without insurance, but it's also unlawful.

5. Asset insurance
What about your house? your boat? Insurance can be cheaper when you buy in bulk.

6. Don't bother with some insurance plans
There are three that you can almost always take off your shopping list: mortgage insurance, insurance on outstanding credit card balances, and flight insurance.

Why you should turn down that job offer?

ComputerWorld web site has an article about the situations when you should refuse a job offer. In general, it is exciting t receive a job offer from a prospective employer, especially if you've been looking for months. However, you should steer clear of an employment offer if any of the following is true.

1.You will be the fifth person to have the job in the past three years.
Before moving forward with a new position, take a moment to look back by researching the history of the role you're about to fill. Have those who held the job typically been promoted, or did the majority of them resign? Avoid any position that could be a black hole. To find out, ask the hiring manager the following questions.

• Why is this job vacant?
• Is the turnover rate high for this position?
• What's typically the next career step for those with this job?

The hiring manager is not likely to tell you everything, so you may have to read between the lines when evaluating his answers.

2. You will clash with the corporate culture.
When evaluating a job offer, you should pay attention to the firm's corporate culture and how well you align with it. If the atmosphere is not comfortable, chances are the position won't be right for you.

Think back to the people with whom you interviewed. Were you able to establish rapport? Did anyone seem standoffish? If you took part in group interview, how well did the interviewers interact with one another? Would you be happy spending 40 hours, or more, per week with these people?

Ask the hiring manager to describe a typical day at the firm and what the work environment is like. You also may gain insight from people in your network, who could have firsthand feedback to share.

3. You will be bored--or overwhelmed--in the role.
If you get the sense that a new position will be too easy--or too difficult--consider whether you will be happy in it.

4. You will not be able to move forward.
Your goal with every position should be to advance your career, so be wary of offers that feel like a step backward or appear to have limited opportunities for professional growth.

22 different ways to improve your brain

"I just found out that the brain is like a computer. If that's true, then there really aren't any stupid people. Just people running DOS." It is a quote from an article in the web site - ririan project.

Here is the 22 ways to grow your brain power listed in the article.

1. Get plenty of physical exercise. Exercise can reduce your stress and therefore is more beneficial for your brain.
2. Exercise your mind. Experience new tastes and smells; try to do things with your non-dominant hand; find new ways to drive to work; travel to new places; create art; do anything you can to force yourself out of your mental ruts.
3. Ask why. Let yourself be curious! Wonder to yourself about why things are happening. The best way to exercise our curiosity is by asking “Why?” Make it a new habit to ask “why?” at least 10 times a day.
4. Laugh. Laughing helps us reduce stress and break old patterns too. So laughter can be like a “quick-charge” for our brain’s batteries.
5. Eat more fish. Omega-3 oils, found in fish is beneficial to not only heart but also brain. Eating at least three servings a week of fish such as salmon, sardines, mackerel and tuna is a good start.
6. Remember. " Get out an old photo album or high school yearbook. Your brain is a memory machine, so give it a chance to work! Spend time with your memories. Let your mind reflect on them and your mind will repay you in positive emotions and new connections from the memories to help you with your current tasks and challenges."
7. Cut the fat. Fat can reduce the flow of oxygen-rich blood to your brain, and it may also slow down the metabolism of glucose, the form of sugar the brain utilizes as food. So you should stay away from trans fats, the hardened oils that are abundant in crackers and snack foods.
8. Do a puzzle. Doing puzzles, such as jigsaw puzzles, some crossword puzzles, some logic puzzles, in your free time is a great way to activate your brain and keep it in good working condition.
9. Listening to Mozart. It is discovered by researchers that listening to Mozart improved people’s mathematical and spatial reasoning.
10. Improve your skill at things you already do. "Common activities such as gardening, sewing, playing bridge, reading, painting, and doing crossword puzzles have value, but push yourself to do different gardening techniques, more complex sewing patterns, play bridge against more talented players to increase your skill, read new authors on varied subjects, learn a new painting technique, and work harder crossword puzzles. Pushing your brain to new heights help to keep it healthy."
11. Be a thinker, not a drinker. Drinking too much alcohol kills brain cells.
12. Play. Take time to play. Make time to play. Play cards. Play video games. Play board games. It is good for your spirit and good for your brain. It gives your brain a chance to think strategically, and keeps it working.
13. Sleep on it. "Previewing key information and then sleeping on it increases retention 20 to 30 percent. You can leave that information next to the bed for easy access, if it is something that won’t keep you awake. If you are kept awake by your thoughts, writing everything down sometimes gets it “out of your mind,” allowing you to sleep (so keep a pen and paper nearby)."
14. Concentration. Concentration can increase brainpower. Get in the habit of stopping to ask “What is on my mind right now”. Identify it and deal with it. If there is a phone call you need to make, you could make the phone call immediately, or put it on tomorrow’s list; instead let it bother you all morning, sapping your ability to think clearly, even while you are unaware of what is bothering you. So your mind is comfortable letting it go for now. This leaves you in a more relaxed state where you can think more clearly. Use this technique to increase your brainpower now.
15. Make love for your brain. Regular sexual contact has an important impact on physical and emotional well being of human. Sexual contact with a partner at least once a week led to more fertile, regular menstrual cycles, shorter menses, delayed menopause, increased estrogen levels, and delayed aging.
16. Play with passion. You can’t do great work without personal fulfillment. Remember what you loved to do as a child and bring the essence of that activity into your work. This is a clue to your genius; to your natural gifts and talents.
17. Cycles of consciousness. "Your consciousness waxes and wanes throughout the day . For most it seems to go through 90 minute cycles, with 30 minutes of lower consciousness. Watch yourself to recognize this cycle. If you learn to recognize and track your mental state, you can concentrate on important mental tasks when your mind is most “awake”."
18. Learn something new. We capitalize on our brain’s great potential when we put it to work learning new things. Put your mind to work learning. It is one of the best ways to re-energize your brain.
19. Write to be read. The greatest benefit of writing is what it does to expand your brain’s capacity. Find ways to write to be read – by writing things for your friends to read, by capturing the stories of your childhood, starting your own blog or whatever – just write to be read.
20. Try aroma therapy to activate your brain. Aroma therapy really is useful for making your brain relax. Energizers include peppermint, cypress and lemon. Relaxants: ylang ylang, geranium and rose. A few drops of essential oils in your bath or in a diffuser will do the trick. You can also put a drop or two in a cotton ball or hanky and inhale.
21. Drugs to increase brainpower. Coffee and other drinks containing caffeine restricts blood vessels in the brain. So instead of coffee breaks try gingko biloba and gotu kola herbal teas. Ginkgo biloba has been shown to increase blood flow to the brain, and improve concentration.
22. Build a brain trust. "Surround yourself with inspiring people from a wide variety of fields who encourage you and stimulate your creativity. Read magazines from a wide variety of fields. Make connections between people, places and things, to discover new opportunities, and to find solutions to your problems."
    

Windows Vista vs XP

Tech.Blorge.com published an article that compares Windows Vista and Windows XP in the areas of security, home entertainment, graphic user interface, parental controls, and networking.

Here is a summary of Vista's features against XP:

1. Security
XP provides basic security protections, and users need a third party software to provide extensive and serious security protections. Vista has a similar but improved firewall to XP. However, users still need a third party software.

A new ‘user account control’ system tries to protect you from yourself, so you don’t accidentally make changes to important system settings without being warned first.

Windows also has a new ‘randomization’ layer, which slightly changes the memory configuration of every Vista machine to make it harder for co-ordinated attacks to affect scores of machines at the same time.

Vista also has made protections to the ‘kernel’ or core of the operating system, with a protective measure known as ‘PatchGuard’, but this only extends to the 64-bit version of Vista

2. Home entertainment
The media center capabilities of Windows XP Media Center Edition has been built-into most versions of Windows Vista aside from the basic, entry level version.

3. Graphic user interface
Vista includes very cool looking 3D icons, transparent ‘glass’ windows and other lovely eye candy such as the ‘Flip 3D’ way of flipping through open windows. This new graphics system is called ‘Aero’. However this will require a graphics card with enough grunt.

A system wide desktop search engine is built-into Vista and is fully activated.

There’s also the ‘Sidebar’ which gives you access to downloadable mini programs and widgets to display images, the time, sports scores and other information at a glance.

4. Parental controls
Excellent parental controls are built-into Vista.

5. Networking
In XP, it is difficult for ordinary users to network two or more computers. But Vista is the easiest operating system to network with others, especially other Vista systems.

The first day of free wireless Internet in Singapore

Singapore government plans to cover most of the country with free wireless Internet access. This Friday was the first day when 900 hot spots were launched in the central business district. It is said that there will be 5000 hot spots launched by September next year.

In order to use the wireless network, users are required to register their wireless devices through three service operators ( SingTel, iCell and Qmax) . Some users complain the process of registration is tedious and painful. Because of overwhelming registrations and the network bandwidth is not enough, users experience slow network speed. Sometimes it took up to two minutes to load a page. If users want to faster access, they need pay about S$10 per month.

麦肯锡方法

1 企业生存技巧
1） 找到你自己的师傅
在你的组织中找到一个资历比你深的人做你的师傅。 但是，别老找同一个人问， 以免产生别人的厌烦。

2 路上生存
1） 保持适当的心态
出差到任何地方， 可以花半天或一天去访问朋友或到某个有趣的地方玩玩。
2）恰当的计划
安排好时间， 确保住的房间不是吸烟的房间， 找一家可靠的出租汽车公司，对自己的目的地有清晰而准确的方向。
3） 尊重飞机乘务员， 门卫， 客人的助手等低职位的人， 有时他们可以提供很大的帮助。
4） 出差必带的东西
4.1） 服装
- 多带一件衬衣或一条裤子。
- 对男士而言， 多带两条领带。
- 休闲装
- 运动装 （健身）
- 一件开司米的毛衣 （飞机上保暖）

4.2） 工具
- 便签纸
- 方格纸 （画图）
- 送给客户的任何东西的复印本
- HP 12c 的计算器

4.3） 个人用品
- 牙刷
- 男士用的刮胡用品
- 常用药品。 感冒药

4.4） 保持联系的物品
- 个人记事簿
- 信用卡
- 航班时刻表
- 移动电话
- 到客户单位的路线图

4.5）娱乐用品
- 一本好书
- 报纸
- 录在磁带上的书

3 麦肯锡招聘的人才 （用案例面试）
1） 具有分析思考的人： 把问题分解成其组成部分
2） 商业判断能力
3） 明白自己解决方案的含义
4） 案例面试
不存在什么真正的答案。 要求把问题分解成各个部分， 问相关的问题， 并且在必要的时候做出合乎情理的假设。
5） 智力比平均程度高一些， 具有好大学和名牌商学院的成绩册， 展示一下在过去所有工作中取得的成绩的证据， 证明自己具有非同一般的分析能力。

4 工作和生活
1） 一周拿一天不要工作。
2） 别把工作带回家。 如果需要， 在办公室多干一小时， 不要带回家做。
3） 事先计划
4） 客户 -〉 公司 -〉 自己

5 解决问题的三个步骤
1） 以事实为基础
1-1 收集事实。 事实弥补了内在的自觉的缺乏。
1-2 事实架起了跨越可信度鸿沟的桥梁

2） 严格的结构化
MECE (读作 "me-see") 代表 “相互独立，完全穷尽”。 这是解决问题过程中的要素。MECE 从解决方案的最高层次开始-- 列出所必须解决的问题的各项组成内容。

首先， 考虑每一项内容是不是独立的， 可以清楚区分的。 例如， Linux 和 Windows 是独立的， 可区分的。 但Linux 和 OS 不是， 两者是包含关系。 然后考虑你所列的内容是不是“完全穷尽”

假如你的团队提出了一些并不合适的主要内容的有意思的想法， 你可以把它们单归为一类 “其他事项”。 最顶层的一级内容不应少于2个， 也不应多于5个 （最好是3个）

3）以假设为导向 - 最初的假设
最初的假设的实质是 “在你开始之前找出问题的解决办法”。 最初的假设是一张路线图， 尽管是草草画就的， 但也把你的问题引向了解决的方法。
接下来你要做的是把关于每一个问题的下一个或下两个层次的细节记下来，以便在证明或反驳每一个假设时确定你所需要的分析。

当事实和结构结合起来时， 最初的假设就出现了。 因此，作为创造最初假设的第一步，你必须从事实出发。“在项目开始的时候， 我只是尽可能地努力消化事实基础。我会坐下来， 以一两个小时的时间去翻这个行业的出版物 - 并不完全是为了收集事实，而是吸收这个行业的一些气息：这句行话是什么意思， 目前行业的基本情况是什么。 尤其重要的是， 我要找到了解这一特殊行业的人”

使最初假设结构化： 把问题分成其组成部分 - 关键驱动因素 ---〉 做出关于关键驱动因素的可讨论的建议方案 ---〉 把每一个最高一层的建议方案记录下来， 然后把它分成问题。 ---〉 考虑一下每一个问题的可能答案，然后对于每一个问题， 你需要做那些分析来证明或反驳你的假设。

“问题树“ -- 从最初的假设开始， 然后再分叉为每个问题。

6 制定步骤 （如何解决商业问题）
要搞清楚问题是不是真正的问题，唯一的办法就是深入地挖掘事实。然后告诉要你解决问题的人，你可以解决他的X问题，不过你认为真正的问题是Y问题。让他决定是先解决X， 还是Y.

不要去重新发明轮子。学会用较少量的解决问题的技巧，回答大范围的问题。例如， 在解决问题开始的时候，可以用“作用力量”的分析方法，确认客户的供应商，顾客，竞争对手以及可能的替代商品。然后再把这四个方面的每一个方面所发生的全部变化都列出来。但是，避免用一刀切解决方法来处理商业问题，必须用以事实为基础的分析去验证你的最初假设。不要用事实去适应你的最初假设，如果事实与你的假设有出入，那么要改变和检讨的不是事实，而是你的最初假设。

要确保你的解决方案适合你的客户。最完美的解决方案，如果客户无法实施，那这方案对客户也是无用的。所以在提出方案时，需要考虑客户的局限性。

7. 80/20 规则
在商界，随便朝哪里看看，都会看到这一规律：80%的财富集中在20%人的手里；80%的销售额是来自20%的销售队伍， 80%的时间精力花在20%关键的工作上。

8. 不要把整个海洋煮沸
不要试图做所有的事情。 要有所选择，找出你做的事情的优先顺序。一旦知道你所做的已经足够时就停下来。否则的话，你会花费很多的时间和精力而收效甚微，就像为得一把盐而去煮沸大海一样的。

9. 关键因素
在有很多因素的时候，把精力放在最重要的关键因素上。聚焦于关键因素是直接钻向问题的核心，而不是一片片，一层层地把问题进行分析。

10. 电梯测验
学会如何在30秒内把问题阐述清楚。当内容太多时，就只集中说明对客户最重要的三点。

11. 先摘好摘的果子
有时候，在解决问题的过程中产生的机会会让你轻易获胜，或改善问题的状况。捉住这些机会，它可以鼓舞士气，也能向别人展示你的见识和认真。

12.一个垒一个垒地打
把自己的事情做好，别试图干整个团队的工作。其原因是：
1） 你不可能一直把一切都干完。
2）如果你设法做到了一次，你会引起周围的人对你产生不切实际的期望。
3）一旦你没有满足这种期望，要想重新赢得信誉是非常困难的。

13. 要关注大画面
要时不时地从正在的事情中抬起头来想一想。看看自己做的事情对解决问题有多大的帮助, 是不是在做最重要的事情，还需要做什么。

14. 只管说“我不知道”
职业道德的一个重要方面就是诚实 - 对自己的客户，对自己的团队成员同时对自己诚实。承认比欺瞒代价小。

15. 走访技巧
在走访被访者的过程中，不断插入“对”或“我明白”， 甚至是“唔-唔”， 让被访者清楚你在听。有时也可通过肢体语言表达。 我们可以稍微靠近被访者，或者记笔记。 同时，注意引导被访者，必要时可以打断一下，或者问问题，保证走访按部就班。

7个秘诀:
1）让被访者的上司安排会面。 -- 让对方知道这次走访很重要。
2）两个人一起走访。 -- 可以轮流一个人问恰当的问题，一个人记笔记。
3）倾听，不要指导。--- 走访的目的是获得尽可能多的信息，而获得信息的方法就是倾听。 多问自由回答的问题而不是多项选择问题
4）复述，复述，复述。 -- 复述的目的是条理化地复述被访者所说的，让他们知道你是否正确地理解了他们的意思。同时给被访者机会来补充信息或强调重点。
5） 采用旁敲侧击的方式 -- 对被访者的情感或心理要敏感。 花一点时间， 让被访者以及被访过程自在，轻松一点。
6）不要问太多。 -- 问重要的问题， 不要穷追不舍， 以免让人不舒服。
7） 采用考伦波的策略。 - 要得到特殊问题的答案，或特殊资料。 一般最好在被访者放松戒备的时候，出其不意的提问。 例如， 在走访结束，即将要离去时，突然转过身来， 说忘记问他一个问题了。或者等过了一两天，到被访者的办公室，说路过进来，记起一个你忘记问了的问题。

走访完后，一定要写感谢信。问将来留后路。

16. 情况介绍
为了使情况介绍成功，你就必须设法让观众沿着一个清晰，易懂的逻辑步骤听下去。结构化内容。同时准备好一切，预先让客户看一下你要介绍的内容。

Techniques for Basic Personal Networking

1. When you are networking, you want people to be comfortable with you immediately. One way to this is to adapt your communication style to make the person feel comfortable.

2. The Networking Dialogue Process
1) Getting Started 2) The Dialogue 3) Exiting

3. Getting Started (some opening lines)
a. "How did you enjoy the presenter in today's seminar?"
b. "I really enjoyed the topic. Do you work in that area too?"
c. "I didn't know that ...... Did you?"
d. "What is it about working in ...... that really inspire you?"

4. The Dialogue
a. Prepare a brief bio about yourself
b. "Exploring options lines":
- "So, why do you enjoy ....."
- "I've always been interested in .... Tell me more about ...."
- "I've thought about ..... as something I would like to do. Can you describe..."

5. Listening Actively
a. Paraphrase
Use your own words, repeat what you are hearing. "so you feel that ...", "what I am hearing
is ..." "Are you saying that ...."

b. Feed back feelings
Reflect back on the feelings you hear being expressed, such as "That must have been
exciting..." "I'll bet you are really proud when ..."

c. Invite further conversation
Ask questions such as "could you tell me a little more about ... " "Please help me to
understand..."

6. The Exit
some exit lines:
a. "I really enjoyed our conversations and will phone you tomorrow to .... Enjoy the rest of ..."
b. "It was great talking to you and I will follow-up with you on ..."
c. "Thanks for your advice. Can I call you and let you know what happened?"

7. Keeping Tack

Working People Smart

1. Be Curious Rather than Furious

- Take time to listen to this person: When this chanlleging person talks, give him or her full attention. Try to avoid interrupting what he or she is saying or simply tuning the person out. You might even paraphrase what you hear the person saying. Undoubtedly, you've heard much of what the person is about to tell you before. However, if you encourage the person to keep talking, he or she might go beyond the repeated words and tell you things he or she has never said before. That's when you begin to get the information to help you really understand where this person is coming from.

- Ask this person questions about his or her thoughts and feelings: Use open-ended questions to draw out new information and clarify what you are hearing. There are many ways to ask open-ended questions, such as stating or asking:

1) I am not sure I know what your thoughts are about ...

2) Tell me more about this.

3) What were your reactions/thoughts about...?

4) Can you give me an example or two?

5) How come? Why do you feel that way?

6) I've never asked you about...

- Consult other people who may have insights about this person.

- Try "Walking in her shoes" by looking at events from this person's point of view.

- Try out some new ways to relate to the person.

1) Take extra time to build rapport and establish trust with this person.

2) Be firmer and more consistent about what you expect from this person.

3) Take a positive approach by reinforcing and encouraging this person.

4) Be more persistent with your efforts to influence this person. Don't let up.

2. Include the Listener Rather than Talk at Him or Her.

- Orient the receiver: Convey the big picture before launching into details. For example, if you were about to share some very painful information, the big picture might be "I'm afraid I have some very bad news." Here are three stategies for orient the receiver:

1) Ask a question. Begin by inquiring what the listener already knows or thinks or feels about the topic. This engages the receiver right from the start and gives you clues about what additional information is important.

2) Preview coming attractions. Think of the way an archorperson introduces the headlines for the nightly news before launching into the actual stories. If you are sharing complex information, a great strategy is to break it down into three to five key points.

3) Start with the bottom line. Get the receiver's attention up front by stating how she or he will benefit from listening to what you'are about to say.

- Feed information in portions. Instead of trying to share everything at once, offer information in manageable chunks that the listener can process and respond to.

- Use familiar references. Make sure you and your receiver are speaking the same language. Avoid technical terms or jargon that my be foreign to your listener.

- Share the microphone. When you communicate, be more of a talk show host than a lecture.

3. Speak up (with Tact) Rather than Suffer in Silence

4. Invite Others to Be Your Mirror Rather than Your Blind Spot

6. Be Open to Resistance Rather than Fight It.

7. Think We, not Me.